When Your Patience Wears Thin

When we’re patient, we realize that the world doesn’t revolve around us and that we don’t set the standard for others’ behavior. Patience means accepting the imperfections of others as they accept the same imperfections from you. We want others to be as good as we are (or as good as we think we are), but the reality is that humans are not machines and need time to grow. #DailyMight

Removing an athlete from a team once the season has begun is a last resort for coaches. Early on in my coaching career, I had the luxury of having a full squad one year – which means there were some great competitions for playing time. There was one particular player that was talented, but had some pre-existing attitude issues that I had never personally dealt with, but had evidenced from a far. That year, this particular athlete was chosen for my team. Four weeks into the season I faced a crossroads and I realized that his attitude was going to be a bigger issue than I considered.

The Decision.

I often joke that I have a PHD in patience. Over the years I’ve developed this awesome capacity to accept or tolerate trouble without getting angry or upset. I’m an expert, but I wasn’t back then or in this situation. A month had gone by and I had evidenced this player break rules, put down teammates, and in some cases not show up at all. I had a few conversations with the player, reminded them of expectations and standards, but not to the level I should have. I was inexperienced, and I had reached the conclusion. He had to go. Now.

The Outcome.

Delivering the news that an athlete has been removed from the team is one of the most difficult conversations a coach has. This particular instance, it was unavoidable, or so I thought. After all, by consistently abusing team rules and falling short of culture expectations, by the book the decision was easy and I followed through. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do as a leader. To publicly give up on an athlete. I thought I had failed, I couldn’t connect. A couple weeks went by, I got news that this senior player had been arrested and placed in juvenile detention for possession of an illegal substance.

The Mistake.

I can’t say with certainty that keeping the player on the team would have changed the trajectory of their two month span. It’s been years now, but I can’t help to think that being included on the team could have set up some guard rails to at least have people around him to help make better decisions. His teammates didn’t give up on him because if his behavior, I did. I failed to remain patient and trust that I could connect. I took the easy way out, and it was a mistake

The Lesson.

I learned a very valuable lesson with that athlete that year, proof I’ll never make a bad decision on patience ever again. I gave up too soon. Patience could have served me, and this young man. Instead of meeting him where he was, I was shorting him by making him meet me where I was. Where his teammates were. A short I’ve never replicated again. The incident convinced me that there is no such thing as too much patience and that I have a duty to continue to help them grow. It’s why I now have a PHD in patience. And you should too as a youth sports coach.

I have lost touch with the athlete, and don’t know for sure where they are now. I don’t hear about them, but I’d like to think they are OK – that they turned it around and are in a good place. I do know that I made a mistake in giving up. Because I gave up too soon, I’ll never know for sure. If only I had add acted from a source of patience.

Give everything your everything. And then some.

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